Too much is better than not enough (?)

When I'm stressed, I try to give myself too much to do.

This way, I must just push my way through and focus on the individual tasks at hand. I re-enroll in graduate school and take a math class that begins by reviewing concepts I never learned. I plan fundraisers to help those not lucky enough to have my resources and hire consultants to help me revamp my slumping business. I register kids for camps and groups and doctors, read books on how to help one daughter get through cancer, while planning playdates to help the other get through missing her sister. I don't have time to contemplate the source of my stress or its potential outcomes.


When I am stressed, I want to go out all the time.

I yearn to socialize and vent and drink wine, try new foods and be with friends and hear about their lives, escape with my husband, and just be out, out, out. This way, I don't sit alone contemplating my stressors, allowing them to appear more bloated and aggressive than they truly are.


When I am stressed, I want to do absolutely nothing with anyone.

I want to lay under a comforter with small creatures genetically predisposed to snuggling with me while contemplating the architecture of my room. I want watch every episode of Season 2 of whatever that show is, while eating crunchy salty chocolate covered everything, playing WWF and checking FB. I want to covertly read sci-fi erotica e-books.


I want to do everything, do nothing, go everywhere and see no one. And when I do that math, I get a little anxious.

I worry about getting behind in all the tasks I've laid out for myself. I worry I'm disappointing myself or others.

I start to cancel social engagements and then worry I'm alienating or irritating friends and family, the people who are making much of this all bearable.

Then while I'm doing nothing, I devote an entire brain segment to feeling guilty and anxious about all the things I"m not doing and all the people I'm not seeing.

Happy Monday!